A MAN claims he cannot add a female friend on Facebook due to the impending social media onslaught, he has admitted.
Scott from Plymouth has admitted he cannot add the new girl in the office on Facebook due to the fear of attracting unwanted attention to his plutonic friendship.
“I want to add Harriet, she’s just a friend, but there seems to be a craze going on at the moment, whereby adding someone of the opposite sex invites relentless onslaught.”
“It’s a fucking nightmare.”
“God forbid they fall within your age category, it’s not even worth thinking about. If they’re remotely attractive? Pack your bags, move to Canada and start a new life in the West.”
Scott claims he has been avoiding people he has recently added, not because he is an insufferable, pathetic man, but because he fears they might brand him a ‘creep’ or ‘just a bit weird.’ Scott has conceded that he fears he will never be able to add a member of the opposite sex again, going as far to say that he may never find love or happiness.
“I eventually added her and the post was met with rigorous slaughter. I mean, what do I say? It’s racked up 32 likes and 8 comments, varying from passive remarks such as ‘is this the one you’ve been obsessing over?’ to more aggressive comments such as ‘you slammed her yet fucknugget?'”
To minimise this problem, Scott sent her a message moments before the request informing her of the inevitable doom and onslaught she would receive. It read:
“Dont worry about my friends Harriet haha, please don’t they’re just joking around ahaha please don’t believe them, it’s not true. Haha.”
“I do love her though. I think she’s the one.”