Bieber Releasing ‘Bangers’ Makes Girl Late for Work

A GIRL has arrived late to work after remaining in her car for an extra four minutes because of Justin Bieber, she has admitted.

Charlotte from Ipswich has felt the wrath of Jane, her managing director after being caught aggressively dancing to Justin Bieber.

“I was literally about to turn off my car when I heard Greg James’ annoyingly seductive voice mention that Bieber was up next. So obviously I shut the windows and turned the volume to 11, eagerly waiting Bieber’s husky, primitive voice box to pound my innards like a sexually-starved coyote.” It appears that Justin Bieber is affecting the lives of many young adults, reports claiming that his music has caused premature labour in some cases.

“When Jane approached me, I just stared at her cow-face and screamed ‘go and love yourself, Jane.'”

After the song had ended, Charlotte admits she bitterly regrets her out-of-world experience: “After my euphoric experience, I realised what a complete and utter tool I had been for expressing myself and slithered down to my office cubicle and stared at Excel for a while.”

Jane, on the other hand was quite surprised by Charlotte’s swift mood change:

“She’s usually such a nice, quiet girl, I think she must have been hungover or recently finished watching the finale of Gossip Girl or something.”

Nonetheless, Jane still regards her as a key member of the team, despite her mildly erotic outburst. Jane confirms she has issued an Excel exercise as a light punishment to remind her of a her place.

“Jokes on her really, because I have no fucking idea how to use Excel.”

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