GREEN PEACE activists are being approached by Navy Seals due to their personal infiltration tactics
The US Navy Seals have been monitoring the perfectly executed swarming methods of the Green Peacers in order to improve their own warfare strategies. They have branded their methods ‘needlessly invasive, yet incredibly successful.’
“Without any training, these people are able to flank their victims with ease. Even when people are wearing massive headphones, donning their ‘get the fuck ‘outta my face’ look, the Green Peacers have the audacity to obstruct your walkway by any means necessary.”
Operations have begun in the North where Navy Seals and S.W.A.T have been carrying out subtle tests.
“First, we strategically lured the most brutal-looking working-class civilians down a narrow high-street with PPI promises and low APR loans. When they were inevitably ambushed by the Green Peacers, the subjects began unknowingly emptying the contents of their wallets into their smooth, lavender-scented palms.”
“The North is a tough area. In the South, people are fragile and weak, they’re easy to manipulate. It takes real guts to hone down a Geordie and that’s what we’re looking for.”
One of our scouts reported to have seen a Green Peacer approach a man outside a JD in Middlesborough, and continue to follow him all the way to Newcastle, constantly stating ‘he’d get straight to the point.’
“I saw one Green Peacer take a sledgehammer to the jaw. He fell down, but rose again holding a flower that had grown between the pavement cracks. The Northerner then fell to his knees, crying.
He has since become an avid Green Party member and is currently working on solving cold fusion.”
“In the long run, we’re hoping to adapt them to Guerrilla warfare. Charging at enemies screaming ‘what are you doing to help’, and ‘this will only take a minute’ will not only further encourage environmental change, but will basically win us World War 3 in 2017.”