Islander Returns ‘Awakened’ from Travelling – Immediately Returns to Finance

AN ISLANDER who has ‘seen everything’ has no problem falling back into old habits

As many islanders are aware, working in finance, banking or anything to do with desks and numbers can be a routine slap in the balls. However, for those who are simply using this time and career path to further their ambitions of ‘getting the fuck off this island’ it is ironic how many of those fall back into the pit of despair that is Jersey’s corporate system.

Travel veteran of 2 and a half months, Blake Dempsey relays the process of returning home after ‘finding himself’ during his time in south America and bits of Asia:

“Now that I’ve seen everything, home seems like some sort of George Orwell novel, but with much more vodka soda lime.”

“I learnt a great deal during my incredibly long time travelling, I definitely didn’t spend it doing cocaine or learning how to roll a spliff with my feet. I left the island because I knew there was something better out there… Something wonderful.”

Dempsey explains how he saved for around 10 months to explore places he thought looked ‘decent’ on Instagram. He wanted to explore the likes of Thailand, Columbia and other parts of the south of the planet where 4 star hotels and Waitrose did not exist.

He did however admit that it is literally impossible to outrun the people of Jersey:

“Naturally, you cannot escape Jersey’s foul claws, no matter how far you run. I’m talking about the time where I bumped into some bloke I knew from year 11 on some bridge in the middle of Ko Tao. Granted, we hadn’t spoke since Liquid back in 2009 but as the Jersey culture follows, we now had to be best friends. This was mainly because I was getting bored of drinking alone and my Instagram travel modelling career was looking pretty unlikely due to my inability to take photos of anything interesting aside from my non-existent abs.”

However, once Dempsey had rinsed the £8k he’d saved working as a fund administrator in a building made entirely out of windows, Jersey beckoned his name:

“It’s grim having that ‘going home talk’ with Raymond – your now best pal who you met on the same barge that took you both to Australia when a flight would have been both safer and less illegal.”

“However, once I landed back home in my shaggy elephant-patterned trousers, wavy hair and a slither of beard, I immediately realised I had become far more intellectual than literally every single person my age.”

“I found myself sneering at my ‘friends’ playing Fifa, because I now knew that catching a salmon with a sharp piece of tree was far more enjoyable and rewarding than getting Ronaldo in a pack.”

However, the sting in the tail came when Dempsey realised he couldn’t physically survive with the survival skills he’d learnt in south America:

“Surviving on a fiver a week in Jersey is basically impossible. Plus, I got arrested for harpooning the fish in the market fountain. Fucking Brexit.”

While Dempsey does admit travelling changed the very core and spirituality of his ethereal form, working in fund administration was his destiny:

“It doesn’t matter that I studied marine biology at Durham and had dreams of saving The Great Barrier Reef and working with David Attenborough on the BBC. A whisper on the eastern wind told me that sitting in a comfy office chair on £25k a year is definitely my ultimate destiny.”

“Plus, I’m only really here to save more money for travelling, I definitely won’t be here forever.. definitely.

…Definitely.”

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