138% OF UNIVERSITY students believe Jersey and New Jersey are the same place, reports claim
Gemma Reese has had enough of her uni friends constantly making the same bullshit jokes about how Jersey is definitely in America.
“I’ve fucking had enough if I’m honest. It’s the same shit at every party. ‘Jersey? Isn’t that in America?’ Yeah, good one Sarah, when’s your slot on Michael McIntyre’s Comedy Road Show? You slag.
‘You’re from Jersey? But, you sound British? I don’t get it.’ “Good one Dave, go read a book on where Jersey isn’t. Stupid non-book idiot.
Gemma has decided to take advantage of these errors and has started to straight-up lie to every new person she meets.
“Now, I just put on some mental Scottish-Australian goat accent and claim that I’m part of some fucked up incest gang that fries lesbians every Wednesday. It certainly makes for a more interesting conversation, and I’m less likely to throw a bitch through a wall.”
Gemma admits her new technique does struggle to hit the mark when introducing herself in a club. She recalls one particular incident where she actually met someone from Jersey at a university social and now they’ve gone back to Jersey and told everyone that the girl from secondary school everyone thought was a lesbian is now definitely a lesbian and is into incest, grime and also doesn’t ‘get’ Christmas.
“I went to university to re-invent myself, but I’ve come back to hear that I’m now apparently a one-legged racist vegan lesbian and all of my friends are drug-addicts and part of the Illuminati.”
To further fuel this nightmare, Gemma concedes it’s not only America that Jersey is confused with.
“You occasionally get that trust-fund douchebag hippy who thinks Jersey is in France. ‘Oh, you’re from Jersey! So you speak French, then?’
“Why, yes I do Amy – Je fuck off.”