Jersey to Unveil Glorious Roadworks Monument on New Years Day

TO CELEBRATE an incredible year, Jersey has decided to place a massive roadworks monument slap-bang in the middle of the avenue

“With the world falling into disrepair, we as an island must come together to highlight our prowess over major countries. Thus, we have decided to erect a 70ft monument declaring our love for roadworks.”

Overlord Dempsey claimed the idea came to him in a dream, similar to Mary Shelley’s idea for Frankenstein.

“I awoke one night from my bed made of cement, applied my hardhat, turned on my traffic cone lamp and began writing with my pneumatic drill. It was poetry in motion.”

“First, I’d like to pay homage to Satan, it is he who keeps bursting pipe-lines and stabbing electrical circuits with his demonic talons and sexual trident. Without him, this elegant monument would not exist.”

Dempsey believes that islanders will be ‘fucking ecstatic’ upon witnessing the new monument in all its glory. He has claimed that it could even go as far as becoming the 8th Wonder of the World.

“The Taj Mahal ain’t got shit on Jumbles the Roadwork Thing. The Taj hasn’t even got any traffic cones on it.”

Dempsey seeks to unveil the monument at precisely 8:30am on a random Monday without notice and then continue to unveil other segments daily for a further 7 years. The monument will be completed in 2023 on a random Friday sometime around rush hour.

“This is even better than when Satan forged the cobbled death circle in St Marys.”

Dempsey’s future plans include stuffing the tunnel with cotton wool on people’s birthdays and setting fire to St Martin’s bonfire sometime around March.



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