SAM WOOLARD has admitted sofa pillows are utterly pointless and spending money on them is stupid
“Pillows on sofas are useless. Not the ones on like, the back of the sofa, you know the ones that you essentially lie on, they’re sound. But the smaller, insignificant pillows are fucking idiotic.” An enraged Sam laments.
Sam has recently encountered fiery discrepancy with his girlfriend over their opinion on sofa pillows. Sam attempted to merge the pillows with the already formed sofa-skeleton in an attempt to make them ‘fit in’. Sasha inevitably realised and consequently rearranged them neatly in some sort of odd pentagon-triangle sex shape.
“Seriously, what are they used for? To look good? No, that’s why you buy a dog.”
“A pillow is just a pointless object you’ll eventually move out of the way when you sit down. It’s like buying fake fruit for the fruit bowl. Sure, they look good, but what happens when someone goes to eat one? Or you know, place real fruit in the bowl? I’ll tell you what – chaos.”
Sasha noted that he does seem a bit odd. Notable signs included starting a small fire in DFS and stitching small pillows together to create a ‘masterpillow’.
“And don’t get me started on fucking ‘throws’. It’s just another item you place on something useful that you’ll eventually remove because it’s pointless. I don’t even know why they’re called throws. Maybe because people used to throw them at fires.”
“That would be very beneficial actually. It would save people and shortly after have no use at all. Like Jesus.”