A MAN has revealed that his new shoes are simply too white
Daniel Webb recently bought some new Nike Air Max shoes after his long-serving Adidas blue and gold three-stripe things witnessed their death during a ‘moshpit’ at a Skepta concert.
“I needed some wicked kicks so I strolled into JD where I was greeted by a man dressed in a full McKenzie tracksuit. I immediately knew I was sorted.”
After willingly dislocating his neck in order to view the shoes in that tiny foot-mirror thing, Daniel made the purchase.
“I needed to swag them out, so I asked to wear them out of the shop, to which I was met with mad glares, as if they’d found out I’d recently broken out of Broadmoor Prison.”
“As I went to exit, I fell to my knees upon witnessing the rain outside. It was proper rain as well, not that soft bullshit rain.
“There was just no chance these shoes were staying white. Yet, I couldn’t justify walking them straight into an episode of Game of Thrones. I was almost tempted to throw my shoes in a murky puddle just to avoid bringing attention to these unnecessarily white shoes.”
“I’m not Kanye West, I can’t pull this off.”
Daniel admitted that he miseed his lecture in favour of going home to launch his shoes at the garden wall.
“I’m not just going to roll them around in mud, that’s mental. I just need to murk them up a bit, give them a weathered look, sort of as if Tyrion Lannister had been wearing them. Sure, they’d be quite dirty due to the Game of Thrones world generally being quite dirty, but I wouldn’t go Jon Snow’ing into battle with them. That’s just careless.
Plus these shoes are mint.”