Man Wearing Shorts This Week Deemed ‘F*cking Mental’ by Britain

The man was spotted standing outside Tesco at roughly 11am

A man spotted outside Tesco’s in Brighton wearing board shorts, and a SuperDry hoodie has been branded ‘utterly fucking mental’ by the entirety of Britain. A bystander reported the incident to a nearby police station in the hope of having the man removed from the public eye.

Bystander Blake Dempsey divulged his finding:

“So, I was just outside reluctantly walking my small dog in this bullshit weather when I witnessed ‘the incident.'”

“The man looked to be in his late thirties, obviously a traumatic time in anyone’s life – knowing that you’re basically 40 and therefore, dead. He just stood there tapping away on his phone. It looked as if he woke up, put on his shorts and just thought:

“I’m going to stand outside Tesco and do something I could be doing in the warm comfort of my own home.”

This concerned me. So, I picked up my incredibly small dog and fucked off to Greggs.”

“Secondly, another offence was committed, the offence being that the man’s legs were on show. This should never happen.”


“Not even in summer.”

“Men’s legs are just forever skinny, awkward and weird. Like Topman models.”

Experts weighed in on the matter, but even they are baffled by the concept of wearing shorts in winter.

Dr Dempsey released this statement:

“There is literally no scientific evidence that suggests this is in any way a good idea. We once thought that the reason behind this ridiculous ‘movement’ was to attract a partner for mating.”

“However, during a recent experiment where we planted a short-wearing man in a busy high street, we found that every single male and female participant actively refrained from making contact with the short-wearing man. One woman went as far to call the Magistrates Court in an attempt to sue for damage to property – the property being her eyes.”

We had the idea of approaching one of these tossers but none of our journalism team were brave enough to communicate physically.

Instead, we decided that the best course of action was to lure the short-wearing men to a nearby clothing store in the hope that he would purchase some sensible leg-wear. Unfortunately, the male simply exited the shop having bought one of those skinny Olympic bicycles, probably eager to cause fucking chaos on every road ever in Britain.

While our search for answers regarding these mutants of British society continues, an inside-source claims that these men are also of the belief that Earth is in fact, flat.