The Jersey Facebook group has decided to sort out their differences by pummeling each other
The notorious Good or Bad Business group has finally reached breaking point, with narcissistic, wannabe Daily Mail food critics and disgruntled, often innocent cafe owners deciding that the best way to address their issues is to go Mortal Kombat on each other in King Street.
Blake Dempsey was able to share both sides of the story, owning a bang-average fish and chip shop and being an active member of the notorious Facebook group:
“Owning a below par fish shop has its ups and downs, which means it actually falls somewhere in the middle. Which makes it quite apt, considering the food I serve is bang-average.”
“However, this is where the poetic ambiance is ruined. Everything about my establishment is bang average – I’m fine with that. I’m a man of logic and integrity. I serve bang average food, I get bang-average reviews. Everyone’s neither happy, nor unhappy – so everyone’s happy.”
“However, when I saw some narcissistic bitch leave a review saying that my fish was ‘terrible’ and that my apron was ‘too red’ I lost my shit. Not only did she not leave an expected bang-average review, she left a poor review, 2 stars to be exact, not the expected 3 stars.”
Blake, despite defending the business owners of the group, did shed light on what it’s like being on the other side of bad service:
“I went for a breaky with the boys last Sunday. As I arrived in the establishment, it looked safe and secure – despite the questionable central heating, but I let that slide.”
“So, I sit down to my meal and my eyes are immediately drawn to the bacon, but not in the good way, in the way you’d look at your Dad if he suddenly whipped out a bag of crystal meth halfway through Christmas dinner.”
“So, this bacon. Don’t get me wrong, I like my bacon crisp, but this bacon was pure bitched. Midway through consumption, it reduced me to lying in the fetal position for 13 minutes in their otherwise glorious bathroom facility.”
Blake went onto claim that there was simply no other reason for his negative review:
“And it definitely wasn’t because I was hammered out of my skull last night, or because I inhaled 3 kilos of kebab meat at 3am. It was definitely the bacon from this locally sourced, highly respected, family-run cafe with otherwise glistening reviews.”
After witnessing both sides of the issue, Blake posted on the Facebook group, stating that the squabbling mass should sort out their differences in a good old-fashioned brawl down King Street.
“There’s so much fucking sass on that group it’s like a live version of Gossip Girl with a specific focus on food. The most moral way to sort themselves out is to just ‘go at each other’ in King Street. I’m certain at least 60% of them will just end up fucking each other due to the increasing amount of sexual tension in the group.”
The police have been alerted to the crime, but in a similar fashion to the Peaky Blinders buying-out the Birmingham police. Meaning the Jersey police will simply turn a blind eye to the inevitable slaughter.
Blake finished by claiming that this is also an incredibly efficient way for natural selection to take out the biggest twats within the group – going by the theory that the physically weakest members are also the ones that comment the most bullshit.