Don’t F*ck With the Bus

TOO MANY people simply don’t respect the unpredictability of the common bus

Bus driver Blake Dempsey has absolutely no sympathy for people who treat the bus like some sort of fluffy Ryan Gosling escalator transport service.

“They just don’t respect that they’ve essentially waltzed right onto the equivalent of a Mad Max stunt vehicle.”

“Sometimes, if a group of people walk on and don’t immediately sit down but instead choose to fuck around on their phones, I abruptly slam my foot through the accelerator, causing everyone to replicate a similar feeling to being wasted on a bouncy castle whilst bodybuilders hurl medicine balls at you.”

Some people have branded many bus driver’s driving methods ‘disarming’, with some cases claiming that the experience has left them with a sense of amnesia mixed with sexual arousal. Blake however, defends the bus driver’s code.

“It’s just to remind them who runs this joint.”

“Once you board the bus, the bus owns you. Sit your ass down and hold on. It’s not fucking rocket science. If you can’t sit, hold onto one of the many yellow bars literally made for you to hold onto. If that mental chimp on Planet Earth 2 can hold onto a tiny branch with its tail, you can damn well hold onto a metal bar with your hands.”

“Also, don’t be the guy that thinks he can ‘surf the bus.’ Don’t be trying to act hard by standing there like some douchebag surfer who once caught a wave once in Bali and now thinks he’s Kelly Slater.

“This is a bus, nature has no control here. I make the rules. Punk.”

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