JERSEY’S cryptic relationship with fog continues
In typical fashion, February has come to remind us that we are not allowed nice things in life. This time, it’s pissed us off with fog, causing islanders to suffer a multitude of travel setbacks.
However, as always, airlines have taken the biggest sucker-punch and with that, comes the typical onslaught of angry flight experts taking to social media to vent their frustation.
Blake Dempsey was one of the many islanders seeking to get off the island this week. Dempsey was on route to vacating the island in search of finding himself for ‘like 3 months’ somewhere in Asia, when his plans took a punch to the balls:
“I’ve said it 612 times this year, and I’ll say it again. There’s fog again in Jersey.”
While Dempsey understands the concept of fog, he also realises that many do not know how to rationally deal with the stress that it brings. He has outlined his process of dealing with fog in the hope that others take note:
“As a veteran traveller, I know that one of the most effective ways to make the fog disappear is to go to the front desk of Jersey Airport and blame the bloke behind baggage control. It not only makes both mine and his life easier but also alleviates the fog issue, because I’m too busy yelling at this bloke to even think about fog, or how our planet’s fucking weather system operates.”
Dempsey claims that due to the recurrence of fog on the island, it would be easier to set-up a new life elsewhere:
“Or, fuck it, I just won’t ever come back. Send everything I own through the post. I’ll start a new life in Hull.. once the fog has cleared.”
Additionally, a number of highly intelligent people upon realising they can’t directly argue with our planet’s complex weather system, have instead also opted to point the blame finger directly at Jersey Airport. Because of course, these highly intelligent people have come to the obvious conclusion that it is Jersey Airport that controls the weather on the island.
An angry person who shops at Waitrose stated:
“Jersey airport is selfish, like my husband. It is their fault my flight was cancelled, they should have ensured the weather would not disturb my weekly trip to London. I have taken to social media to address my problems, but this has proven futile.”
Jersey Airport eventually responded to the outcries of disingenuous islanders by simply handing out child-sized ‘build-a-plane’ manuals for those who believe that the planes should ‘just risk flying’ because, ‘it’s only a bit of fog.’
Surprise pilot Blake Dempsey issued this statement:
“All the people saying that we should simply fly through the fog are correct. I mean, when you’re driving a car and someone just walks over and covers your windshield in black paint, obviously, you wouldn’t stop to address the black paint, you’d simply continue driving and just hope that you make it across the M25.”
“The fault is shared between the pilots and Jersey Airport. We can confirm that we’re working on ways to bypass obvious health and safety measures that have been in place since the invention of the aircraft, just so that Bianca and her cunt of a child Tyler can get to Scunthorpe for his Grandma’s 30th.”