WASPS AND SEAGULLS have joined forces in an attempt to really piss us off, sources claim
A wasp and a seagull have mutually agreed that they’re better off playing to their strengths of being twats rather than attempting to change their ways. The plan emerged after Terrance McSeagull witnessed Wings McWasp attempt to remove a smile from a young girl’s face, leading the girl to strike McWasp in the face. Terrance flew over, appalled by the girl’s lack of decorum and consequently destroyed the remainder of her Cornetto.
“No matter what we do, we’ll always be hated.” Implored a defeated McWasp.
“My Father was a wasp, he died after being trapped inside an empty Carling glass for half an hour.” McWasp believes that by allying himself with Terrance, they can wreak havoc upon a world that branded them sinners from birth.
Terrance has hit the ground running: “I’m thinking of changing some of my classic douche-bag routines. Instead of just maliciously stealing people’s food, I’m going to try and steal their children as well.
I’ve seen Hawks pick up goats before, a child should be easy.”
McWasp, despite agreeing with much of Terrance’s ideas, fears his bullshit nature may tamper with their domination plans. McWasp wants to maintain a more traditional approach:
“I think I’d best be suited to just stinging people. I’ll come out every so often to wreak havoc upon some pint-sinkers down at the Cock and Bottle.
Terrance and McWasp’s first mission is to abduct Jersey Minister Candidate Blake Dempsey, after reports claiming he seeks to weaponise seagulls. This has become somewhat of a personal vendetta for Terrance.
“I’m going to make him wish he’d never been born. Then after than, I’m going to buy him a ludicrously priced meal, proceed to eat it and then fuck his wife.”