Christmas Adverts Fighting Each Other for the Most Tears

JOHN LEWIS faces stiff competition as other companies jump into the Christmas boxing ring

John Lewis was once the one man race of the Christmas season, the Celtic of Scottish Football. Now it appears that Sainsburys, ASDA, Marks & Spencer, Waitrose and now Heathrow Airport have decided to jump into the ring.

“We were fed up of John Lewis reigning supreme in his Christmas tower of tears.” Laments the Heathrow Teddy Bear, who is subtly taking over the world. “Time for us to spend ludicrous amounts of money on adverts that could definitely be spent on something far more important in this impoverished world. Like a mince pie mountain.”

Other companies have began following suit. JD are in line to create a Christmas video depicting chavs in Hackney giving Mc Donalds to homeless people. Other people who like scary bands like Metallica have admitted they are not huge fans of such ‘Christmassy’ adverts.

Ron Batterhelm (known as 0rphanSlay3r on YouTube) would like to see more violence and darkness in Christmas videos:

“Christmas is about how Jesus landed on Earth, went nuts for a bit then died. I reckon adverts should show him rock out to some Cannibal Corpse whilst drinking wine from the goblet of a vampire king, then end it with him fighting the devil atop a mountain. All the while Jesus is ablaze in the fires of Hell.”

“Irony is important in adverts. And Christmas is ironic. Somehow.”



2 thoughts on “Christmas Adverts Fighting Each Other for the Most Tears

  • November 29, 2016 at 6:24 pm

    ‘Christmas is ironic somehow’ Brilliant!

  • December 4, 2016 at 10:57 pm

    That Sainsbury’s teddy got nothing on the Waitrose dog

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