ISLANDERS HAVE resigned themselves to the fact that there is nothing to do but wait until March is over
Now that the mental boardgames and questionable endless eating fiesta is over, islanders admit they are simply not prepared to face reality.
Blake Dempsey is one of the many islanders that has no idea who he is, what day it is and why no one has figured out what the fuck happens between Christmas and New year.
“I wasted a week of my holiday between Christmas and New Year. I was eating turkey for breakfast, playing monopoly upside down and getting hammered every night because I had no clue who the fuck would be out in town and I didn’t want to miss out.”
“Like, I spent most of my time deciphering if places were open or closed, the whole process was like trying to unravel the Da Vinci Code blind, whilst having no arms.”
Islanders awoke on January 1st to discover that the gates of crushing normality awaited them.
“There’s only so long that my new Christmas gears can carry me through this dreadful period. January is basically the month where you profusely apologise to your liver and stomach, once that is over, and you’re feeling sort of refreshed, February kicks you in the face with its surprise boots of freezing cold weather and mocks you for not having someone for Valentines Day, then once that nightmare is over, March makes you think it’s Easter when it’s not, then marches towards you with the gift of sunlight, only to then slap you in the face with it and somehow make the sun cold.”
“I guess me and the squad will just have to get blind drunk for 3 months until the clocks go forward, then that means summer is basically here and I can post mad Brelades pics on Instagram.”