Jersey Couple Commit to Long Distance Relationship

A JERSEY couple have declared that they are attempting a long-distance relationship

Blake Dempsey and girlfriend Gemma Reese are adamant that their 10 mile long separation from St Ouen to Gorey is manageable, despite their friends branding them ‘fucking mental.’

Blake told us: “True love can conquer any distance. If I have to travel across the avenue at rush hour when I know I’m going to be stuck there for at least 13 days in order to reach my darling Gemma, so be it.”

Gemma has also been receiving some classic Jersey abuse with her friends stating that Blake living in Gorey is ‘selfish’ and he might as well be living in Sark.

Blake has already planned a meticulous route and time-saving strategy that will maximise both distance travelled and petrol saved.

“I can basically gun it through Gorey to St Clements, (the island equivalent to the Nürburgring), floor it past Havre des Pas (as it’s only populated once a year for that mental festival which everyone forgets about until the day it happens), rag it up fort regent hill (attempting to slam my Ford KA into third which is ridiculous as not even a fucking Ferrari could slug itself up that ball-ache hill), ignoring the traffic lights at the Steam Clock as I fucking lace it down the avenue at a cool 43mph before obnoxiously ignoring the filter system near the end, handbrake turn at the Boat House, pound it up to St Brelades hill whilst my car bleeds for mercy, oust past Pizza Express, realise I’ve gone the wrong way, turn around, call my girlfriend, tell her to meet me at airport as I’m buying her a house in Moldova because it’d be fucking easier to reach her there than travel all the way to fucking St Ouens.”



2 thoughts on “Jersey Couple Commit to Long Distance Relationship

  • December 10, 2016 at 2:30 pm

    This is too real. My son Jeremy lives in St Helier and his girlfriend Denise lives in Rozel. Where the fuck is Rozel?!

  • December 12, 2016 at 3:49 pm

    I have to applaud the final paragraph.
    Honestly laughing at my desk.

    Some personal highlights:
    ‘as I fucking lace it down the avenue’
    ‘not even a fucking Ferrari could slug itself up that ball-ache hill’

    What are you like Blake.

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