Jersey Office Party Clearly Better Than Glastonbury

EMPLOYEES have reassured everyone else in Jersey that their party was ‘the shit’ in case anyone had missed out

It was obviously an incredibly important event, so much so that David Attenborough has acquired the rights to film a documentary depicting the build-up to this momentous middle-class festival in 2017.

As opposed to other typical office parties, Alian felt the need to inform everyone on the planet that they’re ‘hip’ and ‘cooler’ than all the other finance companies in Jersey. Alian is sort of like that posh Mum who gets roped into drinking with the lads but takes it a step too far and starts sniffing cocaine off your mate Paul’s forehead, not realising she will be ripped down from her tower of spontaneity mid-Sunday in order to face the reality of her boring life come Monday.

The party definitely isn’t a reason to keep their workers from tipping over the edge and unleashing 500 rounds of ammunition onto the accounts department by the end of the year.

Blake Dempsey was left enlightened after experiencing the party for the first time: “I’ve never been to Glastonbury, or any other musical event, but I already know that the Alian Christmas Party is miles better.”

“It was without a doubt the best night of my life. There was music, alcohol and food, it was ruthless. There is nowhere on Earth as good as the Alian Christmas Party. All these festival goers talk the talk, but have they ever witnessed dubstep violin music?


Despite claiming to be ‘incredibly hungover’, employees flooded King Street on Saturday to express how ‘mental’ the party was, as if they’d just returned from a 4 year drug trip in Bratislava.

Blake continued: “I can’t wait to rush to the Christmas tree in the morning to open my 2017 calendar so I can mark a giant ‘X’ on the 2017 Alian Christmas Party date.

Maybe by this time Jersey will have obtained a late licence and maybe we can actually wear normal clothes.”



One thought on “Jersey Office Party Clearly Better Than Glastonbury

  • December 11, 2016 at 6:13 pm

    My husband works here and he said it was the best night of his life. Apparently our wedding would have been better with free jager bombs after 12 o’clock.

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