“Sanchez Dropped in Favour of Giroud’s Beauty” – Claims Wenger

ARSENE WENGER claims Ozil convinced him to drop Sanchez in favour of Giroud’s beauty

Arsene Wenger has come out claiming his reason to drop Sanchez against Liverpool was because Ozil convinced him Giroud was a more ‘attractive’ option.

We were fortunate enough to grab a quick word with Ozil, who was willing to relay what actually happened:

“It was the Friday before the Liverpool game and the lads fancied a bet. We’re always playing pranks on Wenger, putting Shreddies in his Cornflakes box, hiding snakes in his office, and forcefully kicking him in the shins begging him to retire, that sort of stuff. We’ve got away with some mental shit in the past, so we thought we’d see how far we could push it.”

Ozil claims that he lost a game of Fives during the squad lunch, and his punishment was to convince Wenger they definitely didn’t need to start their best player for the most crucial top 4 game of the season.

Ozil described how the process was initially tiresome, claiming that Wenger kept trying to massage his eyes mid-conversation. However, Ozil managed to convince him to drop Sanchez in favour of Giroud, claiming that Giroud was more attractive and generally had better facial hair.

“I knew it’d be difficult, but after showing him a picture of Giroud, it became clear he was the more attractive option.”

On matchday, Wenger dropped the bombshell on Sanchez in the changing room before kick-off, and it was met with a mixed response. Within seconds, Ozil had been reprimanded by his fellow teammates:

“Kieran Gibbs ran at me with a hammer and then Mertesacker sat on me while the rest of the team chanted ‘JUDAS.’ They ended up blaming me for the fact he didn’t start, even though they bet me to do it in the first place. After Giroud had removed Mertesacker from my chest using his incredible arms, Sanchez approached me and slapped me in the face with a wet fish.”

“I was on my way to sit in the stands with the fans, but then Gabriel locked me in the wheelie bin. I only got managed to escape later on when Lallana went to empty Xhaka out of his pocket.”

Ozil told us that every time Liverpool scored in the first half, Sanchez would flick the back of Wenger’s ear and then claim it wasn’t him. Sanchez assured fans and pundits alike that there was no hard feelings between the two of them, despite being caught releasing a bag of snakes into Wenger’s car later that night.

After the matched ended 3-1, Wenger pulled no punches during his interview, boldly admitting that it was entirely Ozil’s fault that they lost:

“I have since poisoned Ozil, this is why he only played 45 minutes against Bayern Munich.”

Wenger does not regret however, starting Giroud. In fact, he went as far to say that the only saving grace from the defeat was that Giroud looked marvelous for every minute he was on the pitch.