DONALD TRUMP has admitted that he didn’t actually realise Merkel was sitting next to him because he goes blind on Fridays
After Trump’s apparent refusal to shake the hand of the leader of the free world, his spokesman has rushed out claiming that he occasionally becomes completely blind on Fridays.
While many people were quick to shun Trump due to his lack of formality, his spokesman Blake Dempsey has come to his defence:
“As many people are aware, Donald can be quite flighty, and until recently, he has done his utmost to hide one of his more serious conditions. The terribly sad fact that he goes completely blind on Fridays at around 5pm.”
Worldwide news outlets felt incredibly foolish after branding him ‘childish’ and ‘pathetic’, many of which have profusely apologised for their lack of judgement and incredulity. Trump’s spokesman recounted the day’s events leading up to his meeting with Merkel:
“It was an absolute fucking nightmare getting him up the stairs, the thing is, he forgets that he’s blind, so he wakes up scratching at the walls and throwing Haribo everywhere. Friday is just a generally awful day for him. He was aware that Merkel existed, though, he had literally no idea she was in the office. Donald simply assumed he was speaking to her via loudspeaker.”
Dempsey claims that he was trying to signal to Donald that there was a woman of relative importance sitting directly to the right of him. Donald simply smiled back back at him, assuming that Dempsey was dancing in celebration of Donald being able to sit himself down without falling out of the nearby window.
“This wasn’t a total disaster. Last Friday we took him to Fabric in London, which he was somehow able to confuse with North Korea’s airfield. The fake ‘Big Red Button’ we gave him in case of ’emergencies’ recorded 47 hits in the space of 12 seconds.”
Dempsey claims that despite Trump’s refusal to shake the hand of Merkel, he very much admires the woman, and claims that he loves her.
“Donald is a very romantic man, and becomes very sad when people misinterpret his kind, humble nature to be the act of a first-class wanker.”
Despite Friday’s events, Dempsey assures us Donald is working hard on his temporary blindness:
“Next Friday we’re taking him to the zoo, and he’s opted to feed the bears. I might just leave him to it.”